Tekster: Kathy Griffin. Suckin It for the Holidays. Congratulations.

i was doin alright
i've been well behaved
bad things out of my life
i thought i was save

i was gone so long
hard at work on tour
got my cable turned back on
didn't know what was in store

i turned on the tv
and suddenly
they were in front of me
changed the channel
they were on all the shows
it made
my
brain explode

speidi free
its the way it should be
get them off of my tv
before i upchuck my coffee
will someone rescue me
will someone hear my plea
torture of the worst degree
the world should be
speidi free

listen, heidi girl
you need to get a clue
your song "body language"
is no "slave 4 you"

and mr. spencer pratt
you think your so adore
but every time you speak

its like nails on a chalkboard

we could send them off
in an air balloon
that would never stop
until it reaches the moon

we could lock them away
in a submarine
then
up here on land
it would be
so serene

speidi free
is the way it should be
get them off of my tv
before i upchuck my coffee
someone rescue me
will someone hear my plea
torture of the worst degree
the world should be speidi free

what i say is not in vain
its just that
they will melt your brain
your eyes will pop
your ears will blow

so to speidi
just say no
just say no
make them go
away