Tekster: Soundtrack Artists. The 'q' Man Loves Nobody.

Quagmire: Baby you were crazy if ya thought
I loved ya ?cause the ?Q? man loves nobody but himself.
Patti Lupone: I never knew how twisted a fella could be.
Quagmire: Hey I guess it?s good I never told ya I?m into pee!

PL: Don?t you ever listen to your inner conscience
Q: (spoken) Oh, I?m sorry babe, I wasn?t listenin?. What?
PL: You really are a total scum.
If only you could see the man that you?ve become!

Q: Baby you were crazy if ya thought I loved ya
?Cause the ?Q? man loves nobody!
PL: You really love nobody?
Q: And boy I mean nobody!
PL: And boy you mean nobody!
Q: But my own sweet flippin? self!

(spoken) All right, whatever your problem is, just get it off your breast. Chest.

PL: I thought you gave me your heart.
Q: (spoken) I gave you VD, isn?t that enough?
PL: You said that we?d never part.
Q: (spoken) Oh I was just kiddin?!
PL: You gave me your lover?s vow!
Q: Ha! If you really thought I meant it you ought to get your head examined right now!

PL: You?d tell me you?d never stray!
Q: (spoken) Well, that?s ?cause we hadn?t had sex yet!
PL: And then you just walked away.
Q: (spoken) Ain?t I a stinker!
PL: Your attitude really stank!
Q: Look! You don?t need to be a genius to see that I was givin? you the yank yank!

PL: (spoken) What else did you BS me about?
Q: (spoken) Well, since you asked?

(sung) Remember when I said that I was goin? down the block
to grab a couple boozers with a pal?

PL: Yeah. You had a friend from college that you had to meet.
Q: Nah. I was at the women?s shoe store lookin? at feet! (What?)

?Member when I said I had a dental checkup.
Well let me say I give quite a root canal. Oh right!
PL: You promised me that you?d be true!
Q: Hey! To me you?re just vagina number 602.

Baby you were crazy if ya thought I loved ya
?Cause the ?Q? man loves nobody!
PL: You really love nobody?
Q: And boy I mean nobody!
PL: And boy you mean nobody!
Q: But my own
Both: sweet flippin? self!

PL: (spoken) What do you have to say for yourself, you slime?
Q: (spoken) Can I just sqeeze your left tit, a little bit?

PL: (spoken) You?re the most insensitive man I?ve ever met
Q: (spoken) Oh, that?s not true. I?ve got feelings same as the next guy.
Why, last week, my grandma died, I was really upset.
PL: (spoken) Oh, I?m sorry.
Q: (spoken) So how ?bout a hand job?

?Cause the ?Q? man loves nobody!
PL: You really love nobody?
Q: And boy I mean nobody!
PL: And boy you mean nobody!
Q: But my own
Both: sweet flippin? self!

Q: (spoken) C?mon, honey, I?ll make it up to you.
I?ll buy you some lingerie. Giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity!